Pandora's Pot - New Moon Club April
Putting April’s New Moon Club together has been a testing time. Or perhaps I should say, we are living in testing times and so even the New Moon Club has been harder than usual!
Fresh off the back of spending time with Medusa, my head was turned by yet another mythological woman who seems to get rather a bad rep, Pandora. I loved Natalie Haynes deep dive into her story (and all the others!) in her book Pandora’s Jar, and highly recommend it to anyone.
As I thought about Pandora I found myself reminded of all the times that circumstances in life have started to overwhelm me, and the awful feeling of helplessness. In some tellings all that is left in Pandora’s Pot, once the chaos is unleashed, is Hope. I found that deeply relatable.
I have been quietly working away with a therapist at unpacking some of the emotional and mental-healthy things (C-PTSD) that are actually so intwined with chronic pain, and have found this support to be as helpful, if not more so, as physiotherapy. Combined with the Alexander Technique and careful pacing I am experiencing much less pain than I was at the beginning of the year.
A huge part of the work I have been doing is learning how to self regulate better, that the ALL/NOTHING closed pot/chaos unleashed, approach I have been cycling through my whole life is unhelpful. I have written before on how I am having to learn how to not just rest my body, but also rest my hyperactive mind. The big lesson for me here has been learning to open my metaphorical pot just a crack, and to deal with the swirling chaos in manageable amounts, while being supported and supporting myself with all sorts of lovely new skills for self regulation. A body and brain continually communicating to one another that there is danger is common for anyone experiencing chronic pain, and pretty much at the root of physical symptoms of PTSD. It has taken over a year of working on this for me to begin to feel a sense of safety in my body. To really experience the feeling that IT’S OK. I didn’t even know this was an experience that I had not been having in my life so far.
So for Pandora, for all the Pandoras : Yeah it’s a lot. But It’s OK. There is still hope in your pot. And that will never leave you.
Alongside all this rumination, circumstances way beyond my own control delayed the production of the Pandora’s Pot enamel pins and they arrived to me waaaay past the deadline for the boxes. No biggie in that grand scheme of all the rubbish in the world, BUT also having to email all New Moon Club subscribers to say that their subscription box was indefinitely delayed was NOT my favourite small business moment.
Oh yeah, and even as the pins arrirved and the boxes were sent out.. we got the news that we will have to find somewhere new to live and somewhere new to run the biz. We are currently hunting for somewhere we can afford and will be downsizing considerably. This is all a bit yikes. My personal challenge is to navigate these ups and downs without overdoing it, physically AND mentally and causing an overload that locks my body up in pain.
Anyway, this ain’t no pity post. Whatever it is going on around, right now, in this moment. It’s OK.